"That's the one I was telling you about, the really toxic one. They are like an emotional vampire, always needy and seeing the dark side of everything" I guess we have all heard, or possibly said something along these lines about somebody we know. At work, at social gatherings or wherever. We have all seen the MEME's about ridding your life of toxic people, avoiding them, discarding them etc. Not only will many of us have said something like this, many of us have spread the news as far as we can. When we label people as toxic, that is where they will always be. Pigeon holed without hope of redemption or help, especially any help from ourselves. By labeling a person as toxic, or negative or difficult or whatever, they are reduced to a caricature of their behavior. There is no empathy or understanding of their journey that has brought them to this place in life. So, with little or no knowledge of the person, or any way of finding out because we have slammed the toxic door on them, they are left to their own self destructive ways, probably without even knowing it. If you are perfect in every way, you can stop reading here. In my life, I have made mistakes, messed up, hurt people and I am guessing we all have. We are complex people. Only we know our own unique fears, desires and demons and what brought us to this point. Life gets tough when these things have to be dealt with. YOU are the only person who fully knows what makes you tick! To label a person as toxic, based on the tiny amount of knowledge you have of them is an uncharitable act which denies others the same unique complexity that we possess ourselves. The ego is the part of us which labels a person toxic. Yes, "Its all about me". The lover who left you heart broken did not do so to crush your self worth, rather to boost their own. The ex who harasses you is not infatuated with you, they are infatuated by filling whatever is lacking in their own life. The person who is always whining and seeing the dark side of things is not trying to bring you down, they are looking for connection in their sorrow. The problem with "toxic people" is not what they do, the problem lies in our ego making it all-about-me. The ego is fragile, and in any of the above scenario's we begin to question our own self worth. It is a poison chalice, but we do not have to drink from it. IT IS NOT ALL ABOUT YOU! Having said that... IT IS ALL ABOUT YOU!! More often than not, the traits in people we deem as negative, are merely our own projections of traits in ourselves which we deny. For many people (here I put up my own hand) this is a bitter slap in the face, and we need to look inward to look at our own pain. When we label people as toxic and build walls to protect ourselves we also build a wall which prevents us from extending love to them, to listen to them, to help them through a dark time. In this, you will find the gift they bring.