For many years I have heard messages about staying away from negative people, or only associate with positive people, or even only associate with other devotees. Whilst this has the benefits of surrounding yourself with people with the same beliefs, moral codes, and outlook on life, there is a dark trap into which this type of social provincialism, or apartheid. Nothing is true until tested. The trap is set at several levels. The first is that ones own beliefs and ethics are never tested. Whilst a person may have a positive outlook on life, and only associate with others who are "heading in the same direction", they need to be able to withstand any criticism from outside the group. The critique, fair or unfair, is just anothers opinion. If a person is not whole and they are affected by another view point, or their beliefs challenged this brings to light their own insecurities and doubts surrounding their path. If a person is unaffected by any challenge to their beliefs, then their beliefs and ethics are strong and such a person would not fear the presence of a different, or negative view. So, if we are to allow negative people into our lives, and not let them rule us, how do we deal with them. We have all met the negative person, who has a well rehearsed negative answer for any question, and who has a pessimistic outlook on life. Negativity people hear things differently. "You look nice today" becomes "you usually look like crap", negative people are judgmental when they are not complimented, they feel helpless on their journey and so become needy and pessimistic about everything they do, and then project that on to those around them. The common thread through all of this is that the negative person feels out of control, and looks for somebody who can take control for them, but at the same time, push away all who seek to help them see the positive in life. Blaming a negative person for making you feel bad only demonstrates your own lack of boundaries and lack of responsibility for your own happiness. When we blame the negative person, we have fallen into the negativity trap of fighting negativity with more negativity, and so friendships and relationships are fractured. Compassion. So, how to deal with negativity. Negativity is a thinly disguised cry for help. You could simply tell the negative person that they are "bring you down", but this only displays your own lack of boundaries. Another factor here is that negative people do not respond well to critical feedback, and unlikely to be accepted. The key in dealing with negative people is compassion. Taking responsibility for you own happiness despite negativity from other people. Compassion gives no advice. Asks for no change of behavior, nor any lecturing or preaching about their negativity. If you have let down your own boundaries and not taken personal responsibility for your own happiness, then the negativity will affect you. And if you confront the negative person with this, the problem is escalated. Whilst you may have to deal with a persons negativity for some time, they have to deal with the negativity ALL the time. This alone is enough to spark compassion for them. For the negative person example is the perhaps the best medicine. To show them how a positive attitude to life can manifest great friends and how to take control of your life. How to pursue dreams, and take risks and be spontaneous. Of course, the negative person will counter this with more negativity, and this is the time to stop and explain to them why you choose to follow the path that you do. How this enriches your life. This takes time, and compassion knows little of time. The effect you have on the negative person will be timeless. Humility Sure, dealing with negativity can be difficult, but do not let that affect you. If you are exhausted by a persons negativity, this is merely a reflection on your own doubts and uncertainty. A fully secure person, the company of a negative person would have no effect upon you. But who is FULLY secure? Not many. This takes humility, to realise that perhaps the persons negativity is in some way a reflection of our own negativity which we deny in ourselves. So the task of dealing with a negative person, is a process of growth for ourselves, not just the other person.